I cant sleep...
Its Midnight and I am wide awake. I slept in today so that might be the problem. But I also think its because my brain likes to think about EVERYTHING while I am laying in bed. I have this problem often.. I get so frustrated that I have the hardest time falling asleep. I dont like to take sleeping pills because they knock me unconcious and I have a hard time waking up in the morning. Usually I just lay in bed and force myself not to move and eventually will fall asleep but tonight I decided to get up and let Matt get some sleep with out me tossing and turning. I dont have work in the morning anyways. I hate that I do this. Any ideas to help me? I dont know why but I just ponder and think and drive myself insane with all the stuff in my head... I wish I could fall asleep as easily as Matt and wake up as easily as he does. But I do the opposite.. I cant fall asleep but once I do, I am out! My dad used to say that a bomb could go off and I would sleep straight through it. I am a deep sleeper just have a hard time getting there lol.
I think tonight my problem is I am thinking about us trying to have a baby. (Not pregnant yet lol) I want this very very badly but I am nervous. I know life changes so much with a child.. I have been wanting to get pregnant since like Oct lol. But now that I really really think about it, theres so much that will change.. I may be sounding selfish, but it scares me.. All of it.. I am still working on being a good wife and am adapting to that slowly and think maybe I need to focus on that and not tackle another role so fast. I kinda want one last summer of us going camping, riding the 4 wheelers, moving into a house, traveling, and not worrying about being pregnant and not being able to do that or be sick.. What if Im not ready or not a good mom? Am I being selfish? Im really not trying to be, Im just scared I guess. Its such a big decision to make. Today My sister gave us a baby swing that my niece used maybe twice as a baby, because she was going to get rid of it.. I figured it would be great to have, one less thing I'll need and its brand new.. It must have got me thinking! I wish Matt was awake so I could talk to him about this. I feel bad about having these thoughts.. Do all pre-moms go through this? When will I know it is the right time and we are ready and will be the best parents?
Valentines Day was nice. Matt bought me a pretty pearl necklace and pearl earrings. They are very nice. We went to dinner and movie and had a wonderful day. We went to his parents house in the morning and had breakfast with them. Then we visited my family and brought cookies. it was a fun day :)
We went ice skating again on Friday! Man, we have fun!!!! Matt bought new hockey ice skates with our tax return and he loves them! For V day I bought him a pass to the Oval so he can go for free! Every Friday its always Matt and I, Joe, Kathy, and their girls. We invite everyone to come with us. 2 weeks ago, it was all of us (above), My mom, dad, Natalie, and Kyrie. This week it was all of us, Matts mom and dad, Teresa, Mason and Erin! We've started a routine :) Its like a planned thing now every Friday! Olympic oval at 7:00 pm haha. The more, the merrier!
My niece is almost 3 months old.. Wow it seems like she was just born a month ago. She is so sweet and beautiful. She is getting more responsive and coo's at us! I love her so so so much. As well as my little Mason-Buzz lightyear- Man! Hes so funny and darling! Im so lucky to have such sweet nieces and nephew!
Well I guess I will play on facebook a little longer and kill time until my eyes actually start feeling a bit tired.. Still wide awake! Hope everyone has a nice Monday! Happy Presidents Day! (First year I have ever really acknowledged it or cared... but this year I love it, thanks to my work giving us the day off!!! Woooo Hooo!!!!!)
2 comments:
I never felt that way about having a baby. I just jump into things without thinking too deeply about them. Yeah, it changes things, but only slightly. You can still do everything you do now with a baby, it just takes more planning. And having a baby makes for a great change in dynamic in the household. I can't even begin to describe how awesome it is having kids! Insofar as "are you ready?" Sweetie- no one is EVER ready. If we waited until we were ready, only middle-aged people would have kids!!!
I'm sorry you are having a hard time sleeping. That can be soooo hard, especially when you have to get up in the morning. Have you tried any relaxation exercises before you try to go to bed? Make sure to never doing anything (i.e. work, read, lounge, etc.) while in bed. Only sleep and love are allowed! Also, instead of thinking about everything that is going on in your life, try focusing on relaxing/sleeping. There isn't anything that you can do right then are there, so tell yourself you'll worry about it in the morning. I know, I know, easier said than done. ;)
I think the fact that you are worried about mommyhood shows a tremendous deal of responsibility. After all, it is a big leap into the "unknown." You are smart to think it all out before hand, but don't think too much. ;)
Although we don't have any kids, many say that once they decided to start a family, that was the best decision they could ever make. Children bring happiness in ways completely indescribable; I think you'll be a GREAT mom. Sometimes things don't turn out the way you planned, but in the end, things always end up working out.
Family is one of the greatest blessings in life. Don't be too worried-- I think you will find that it will enhance your love tenfold. Shoot for the stars! You'll be just fine. :)
Post a Comment